Spread your wings to understanding and renewal!
As a good Catholic girl, I grew up with the belief that it was my wifely joy and duty to build my husband up, make a good home, make a good appearance, be a good cook, be submissive, be vulnerable, be strong, pray and readily forgive because love conquers all. Family comes first and of course, God doesn’t believe in divorce.
As a mother, it is my responsibility to guide my daughter in the best way I know how.
Real love is not always a story book romance and sometimes “Prince Charming” turns into “Darth Vader.” Somewhere hiding in between those two extremes is the authentic man you love.
Marriage has its ups and downs but what about abuse in marriage?
Oh, how it can make you crumble when the one you loved and trusted turns on you. I was taught to have faith and hope because miracles happen and they do! However, I’ve learned that not holding someone accountable for their actions can entitle that person to repeat negative action. Without taking responsibility, the person lives in denial, makes excuses and lives with a warped sense of truth and reality.
Lately, I have been researching Christian views concerning abuse in marriage and divorce. I am grateful to the writers for their biblical insights and candor. I must admit, that I have a new awareness and empathy for those who have gone through the heartbreak of divorce. It is my hope that the links provided will give you a new perception about the struggles that leads to that forbidden “D” word, divorce.
What does the bible say about an emotionally abusive marriage?
Restored relationships, domestic abuse, divorce: “Typically perpetrators of abuse do not walk out of their marriages. They want to stay in the relationship because they enjoy the power, privilege, and the control they obtain therein.”
Do you have physical signs of an emotionally abusive marriage?
Words that bruise can make you sick: “Your teeth are clenched, your heart starts pounding, your stomach is churning…. Your body is telling you that something is wrong. Every time you want to have a normal conversation like normal people do to resolve a problem or a conflict, it always becomes an attack on you.”
Question: “The person being abused will have to ask themselves, what am I willing to live with, and what am I unwilling to accept?… If that person is not willing to make changes, you can’t make changes for them, and you can’t make them make changes. But if you make no changes, you know what it’s going to be because you already there.”
How do I get out of the storm?
Storms can cause damage to your home while life’s storms can wear you down but there is hope in the Lord for renewal.
Responding to Emotional Abuse in Marriage: Post by Lilly Park, Biblical Counseling Coalition
“The Bible doesn’t use the label “emotional abuse,” but it does prohibit it. First, we are not to curse people who have been created in the image of God (James 3:9). Second, emotional abuse violates the two greatest commandments: love God and love others as yourself (Matthew 22:35-40). Third, emotional abuse violates God’s design for marriage where the husband lovingly leads and the wife lovingly submits (Ephesians 5:21-33). Fourth, it violates Christian living by denying yourself (Mark 8:34) and speaking wholesome words (Ephesians 4:29). Fifth, it displays pride and a lack of fear of God, which leads to destruction (Proverbs 16:18). A husband who commits emotional abuse deceives himself to be a king who deserves glory, honor, and praise. Sixth, emotional abuse is betrayal to God and people by trying to be like God and deceiving others.
Emotional abuse is more deceitful than physical abuse. The women I’ve met endured emotional abuse for years and no one knew about it. They didn’t even know until they finally talked to someone. (Of course, the same could happen with physical abuse.) Emotional abuse is unacceptable and sinful. It is slowly killing a person. It is also not the same as occasional arguments in marriage; it occurs frequently.”
Insights on Verbal Abuse: Are you Slowly being Murdered?
Crying Out for Justice
Biblical divorce explained in a nutshell: “God has called us to peace. And there can be no peace with a spouse that abuses their partner with a chronic pattern of power and control, exerted in numerous ways, often not even in physical ways…. if that person is violating their wedding vows by decidedly and repeatedly mistreating their partner, then they are in effect pushing the partner away causing separation.”
Signs that an Abuser is Not Changing
Checklist for Repentance
My Closing Thoughts…
My closing thoughts were inspired from the sermon series, “Renew, The Character of Great Relationships.”
~ Pastor Michael Yearly.
~ The Church of Rocky Peak, Simi Valley, CA.
Life today, moves fast and it is easy to keep moving forward doing business as usual. If we are not honest about the past, we can not be honest in the future.
Good character makes for good relationships. Character is created by choices.
Life and marriage is challenging with conflicts and both will test your character. A personal or professional relationship can’t survive without trust and respect. Integrity is the key to trust.
I am weak but I am strong in the Lord so my focus is on my God. God’s vision for me and for all of us is renewal. Being authentic is the first step to renewal. Through the grace of God, I am learning everyday.
The bible is about relationships and renewal
“But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” ~ Colossians 3:9-10
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” ~ Colossians 3:12-13
When I see a butterfly, it gives me hope for renewal.
Peace be with you,
Maria Lauren, Your Powerful LIFE blog
Relax-n-Renew – Soothing Visualizations, Music, Scripture
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